Getting better

Things are getting much better for me after having been home for a bit now. I'm talking about my experiences with my mom more and I'm starting to relax and not worry about the future so much. I'm really getting excited about my trip to NYC!! Today is Christmas. This is the first Christmas without my uncle so my mom and I are going to go to a movie today to get our minds off being sad. Time heals all wounds.

Is this it??

Is this what I have to look forward to now? Days filled with wishing I was anywhere else but home. I don't fit in here. I went to the mall yesterday and as I was walking around I felt so alone in a crowded place. For the past 10 months I have been surrounded by people who knew exactly what I was going through because they were going through it right along with me. Now, I'm thrust back into a world that could care less. Their biggest worry is cutting you off to get to the red sweater across the aisle before you do. I don't think we could have come back from deployment at a worse time of year.....Christmas. A time filled with joy and peace. HA! That's a joke! There is nothing joyous or peaceful about returning right now. This is what I had wanted for so long..to get out of Balad and back home, but now I just want to go back to my friends. Even my boyfriend who lives in one of the biggest cities says things just don't feel right anymore. My mom doesn't understand and I don't expect her to. She just lays on the guilt trip if I take off to go stay with my friend who I just spent the past 8 months living with. I guess I'm supposed to be the good daughter and spend every waking minute with my mom because she hasn't seen me for the past 10 months. But, I don't even feel like talking to her most of the time and I have to force myself to for a good show. Is this it?? Is this what my life is going to be like now??????

Home

I have finally made it home. All the out-processing is done. I have a lot of mixed emotions about being home. I miss my friends. I miss the routine. I miss the excitement. I know it sounds crazy that I would miss all of this now that I am home, but I do. I want to cry a lot of the time and I find myself getting annoyed very easily over little things. I spoke with my Iraq roommate yesterday and she is feeling the same way. We have wanted this for 10 months, but now it is here we want things to go back the way they were.

I have so much stuff to do before I move to CO in January. I have to find a job and an apartment. I have to pack the stuff in my storage unit and sell other stuff to get ready to move. I have school starting in January too. It's too much too soon after getting back. I'm not ready to have to deal with all of this stuff. It's very overwhelming after not having to make decisions for the past 10 months other than what line to go through in the DFAC. HA! I just want to pull the covers up over my head and just sleep for about 3 months.

I took the advice and I'm taking a couple of trips in January to help get over this transition period. I'm going to New York with my boyfriend and then skiing with my Iraq roommate. I'm really looking forward to those trips, but then what? Is all of this a normal part of reintegrating back into the world again?

Kuwait

Well, here I sit in Kuwait waiting on my time to dwindle before getting on that plane back to the States. Having been here at "Camp Cupcake" for the past couple of days I really appreciate my time in Iraq. It's hard to believe 8 months has passed and now my time is done. All the transition is complete and the gear has been dropped. It's not just a matter of time before Iraq and my customs mission is a thing of the past. Crazy how time flies. Before I know it, I'll be on an other plane headed to NYC for the New Year. I want to thank everyone for their support while I was out on this journey. It has been awesome knowing that people I have never met consider me a "friend". Thank you all of you.

Well, I guess I will see you all on the other side!!!