Is this it??

Is this what I have to look forward to now? Days filled with wishing I was anywhere else but home. I don't fit in here. I went to the mall yesterday and as I was walking around I felt so alone in a crowded place. For the past 10 months I have been surrounded by people who knew exactly what I was going through because they were going through it right along with me. Now, I'm thrust back into a world that could care less. Their biggest worry is cutting you off to get to the red sweater across the aisle before you do. I don't think we could have come back from deployment at a worse time of year.....Christmas. A time filled with joy and peace. HA! That's a joke! There is nothing joyous or peaceful about returning right now. This is what I had wanted for so long..to get out of Balad and back home, but now I just want to go back to my friends. Even my boyfriend who lives in one of the biggest cities says things just don't feel right anymore. My mom doesn't understand and I don't expect her to. She just lays on the guilt trip if I take off to go stay with my friend who I just spent the past 8 months living with. I guess I'm supposed to be the good daughter and spend every waking minute with my mom because she hasn't seen me for the past 10 months. But, I don't even feel like talking to her most of the time and I have to force myself to for a good show. Is this it?? Is this what my life is going to be like now??????

Home

I have finally made it home. All the out-processing is done. I have a lot of mixed emotions about being home. I miss my friends. I miss the routine. I miss the excitement. I know it sounds crazy that I would miss all of this now that I am home, but I do. I want to cry a lot of the time and I find myself getting annoyed very easily over little things. I spoke with my Iraq roommate yesterday and she is feeling the same way. We have wanted this for 10 months, but now it is here we want things to go back the way they were.

I have so much stuff to do before I move to CO in January. I have to find a job and an apartment. I have to pack the stuff in my storage unit and sell other stuff to get ready to move. I have school starting in January too. It's too much too soon after getting back. I'm not ready to have to deal with all of this stuff. It's very overwhelming after not having to make decisions for the past 10 months other than what line to go through in the DFAC. HA! I just want to pull the covers up over my head and just sleep for about 3 months.

I took the advice and I'm taking a couple of trips in January to help get over this transition period. I'm going to New York with my boyfriend and then skiing with my Iraq roommate. I'm really looking forward to those trips, but then what? Is all of this a normal part of reintegrating back into the world again?

Kuwait

Well, here I sit in Kuwait waiting on my time to dwindle before getting on that plane back to the States. Having been here at "Camp Cupcake" for the past couple of days I really appreciate my time in Iraq. It's hard to believe 8 months has passed and now my time is done. All the transition is complete and the gear has been dropped. It's not just a matter of time before Iraq and my customs mission is a thing of the past. Crazy how time flies. Before I know it, I'll be on an other plane headed to NYC for the New Year. I want to thank everyone for their support while I was out on this journey. It has been awesome knowing that people I have never met consider me a "friend". Thank you all of you.

Well, I guess I will see you all on the other side!!!

Looking back

As my time in Iraq is quickly approaching the end I have found myself looking back over the past 9 months. From the training in Williamsburg, VA to the crazy trip up to Iraq to the hotter than hell months spent in Iraq it has been a wild ride but a worthwhile one. I signed up for this deployment not sure what to expect and I'm leaving as an Iraq veteran. I'm one of "those" people now. Granted, I'm not an M-4 wielding, ACU wearing soldier, but I did experience some aspects of war. I may have spent most of my time making sure nothing infiltrates American soil, but that doesn't mean that my job wasn't any less important. I have come to realize that now. It has been an honor and a privilege to send these guys and gals home to their families while the rest of us stay behind and carry the torch for them just a little bit longer. Well, it's now my time to pass on the torch. I am both excited and saddened. We may all have not gotten along for the past 8 months and have had our fair share of headaches, but in the end it's all been worth it. This has truly been one of the best experience of my life so far. I have a lot of great things awaiting me in the States and I can't wait to see what the future will bring. There is a person that will be waiting to join me on the journey and with that I am even more excited to see what the future holds for us. Had I not come on this journey and decided to basically put my life on hold, I would have never had the opportunities I have had. I have seen and done things that most people only read about, but now I can actually say that I have been there done that. No one can ever take this adventure away from me and it has definitely made me a better person.
The next couple of weeks are going to be busy and nerve-wracking, but at the end of the day I know that it just brings me one step closer to going home.

It's MY blog, right??

I received a comment on my post "Soap Box" that I would like to address. Here is the comment that I received;

"Now I totally understand that your fighting for freedom or rights to vote or whatever reason you thinking you're there. I have nothing but respect for military personnel. I did my time, in fact, my girlfriend is still in the Marine Corps on IRR. Now that being said you're wrong on this. Why should you encourage somebody to vote just to vote if they don't like the choices? Would you expect somebody to choose "would you like hit in the face with a baseball bat, or hit in the face with a brick?" No, you wouldn't. There are many reasons for people not to vote and not all of them are invalid. If people just go on voting because they can it's just a flip of the coin which idiot gets in based on little or no useful qualities. Many people who do vote just because they can haven't the slightest idea of the overall picture. Voting for a President based on knowledge of one issue is wrong too. They should be informed but if they aren't that's where the wrong lies. Voting shouldn't be a right it should be something each individual must earn. An IQ test should first have to yield reasonable results, then an issues awareness test must also score oh say 80%. Based on your conversation with this guy maybe his reasons for not voting weren't good but you cannot say that this is absolutely never excusable."

Now, with that being said, I welcome ALL comments on my blog, however, who are YOU to tell me that my opinion is wrong? What makes your opinion more right than my own considering this is just a forum I use to vent some hostility every once in a while?

On the edge

I'm on the edge of losing my mind. I can't stand this deployment anymore and I totally can't stand the people that I'm deployed with anymore. Well, I really couldn't stand them from the beginning, but now they are completely intolerable. I'm tired of looking at them and hearing their voices. Get me the fuck outta Balad!! I'm going nuts up here. I'm in prison and I don't even get a Get Out of Jail Free card. WTF!! 8 months is way to long to have to check people's dirty underwear. I know, I know what am I complaining about, right? Hell the Army (and I totally have the utmost respect for) have to do 12-15 months in this shit-hole and I'm bitching about my 8 months. Oh, then we have the Air Force (or chair farce HA!) that only do oooohhh 2-4 months over here and bring every damn piece of uniform issue they can cram into their 15 bags. Please! I really don't care if I'm pissing off any AF people that are reading this blog, you don't like it then go read your weapons manual cause Lord knows you all don't even know how to CLEAR one! HA! It scares me to see them even walk around base with a weapon! Oh, here's a good one for you. I was in the DFAC the other morning and some TSGT comes walking in with his M16 shoulder slung.....WITH THE MUZZLE POINTING UP.....HELLO!! Look around you dude, see anything that doesn't look right considering you are the ONLY jackass carrying your rifle that way?? DUH!! I don't even carry my pistol anymore. There's a good chance I may just use it one of these days. HA! Just kidding!! Can you tell I'm a little stressed out?? I even had to go see the Combat Stress dude and I've never seen a minute of combat yet. Well, except for the occasional mortar round that likes to make it inside the wire. I guess that's kinda combat, right? Anyway, I had to tell the docs that my chain of command has created an environment ripe with stress and our job is not rocket science, but for some odd reason everything has to be made harder than it really needs to be. They are wanting to keep us up here past Thanksgiving! Fuck that! Get me to Kuwait where I can get away from these pukes for just one sliver of a second and see some new faces for a change. Oh, you remember the fraternization that was going on??? Yep, busted! We had to submit sworn statements to what we saw with those two. They went to Mast and BUSTED!! One didn't even come back up here. Thank GOD! The tension up here is still so thick you can cut it with a knife though!! AND I have been told to watch my back when we get back to VA during out processing. Whatever! I have no problem calling shore patrol or the cops! Get me outta here!!!

It's coming.....

It's just around the corner, lurking, poking it's head out just to take a peek. It's glowing in the distance like a giant warm sun just waiting for me to round the corner and cast it's glow onto my face. It's coming. The end of this deployment is coming and I can finally taste it, feel it, sense it, smell it. It's coming........