random

The more I read from the milbloggers, the more I am compelled to do more for my country. I know the war sucks and there is nothing good that comes from this hell-hole called Iraq, but I want to do more than just sit behind a computer and read about it. I want to go serve my time in the sandbox and put my mark on this war. I am awaiting orders for "the sandbox" and getting more excited, anxious by the minute. I have the unique luxury to be forewarned of my impending doom of being deployed, others aren't this lucky. It comes with mixed emotions. On the one hand, I feel myself starting to detach from my normal existence and start to distance myself from the ones I love and things I love because I know it will hurt less that way. On the other hand, I feel the need to surround myself with the things and people I'm going to miss the most in my year away. I have so many thoughts that keep pulling me away from my normal daily life to a place of unknown in a land foreign to me. What will it be like? What should I pack? How will I survive? All unknowns for the moment, but with each passing second gets closer to the answer.

My thoughts go to theunlikelysoldier and red2alpha....these guys have seen some shit and I can't help but think that my time in the sandbox will never compare to theirs. I tell myself that my role in the war is equally important, but somehow it just seems trivial. I don't think civilians ever truly know what it's like to serve your country or the swell of pride you feel when you hear the National Anthem and see the flag being waved. It's in our blood. It's a calling, a sense of pride and duty that can never be matched in the civilian world. The brother and sisterhood that is felt and found only in the military is something that I have ached for during the 9 years that I was off active duty. It's that ache that made me find my way back to the military and the same ache that is sending me to "the sandbox". I try to explain it to my mom, but I don't think she understands. I tell fellow military people and they just get it without much explanation at all.

I have a picture of a little boy receiving the folded flag at a funeral, probably his dad's funeral, hanging on my wall at work. My boss keeps telling me to take it down because it's too hard for him to look at. To that I say, "what the hell have you done for your country?!" That little boy has done more for his country than you ever will. I won't take it down. I feel it's paying honor and tribute to that fallen soldier and his/her family. To hell with you if you think it's "too sad to look at!" War is too sad, death is too sad. So piss on you buddy!